Please revise this essay based on the comments from peer review listed below and prof feedback, which is highlighted on the paper. I put stars and circle around the data. You can Any additional details that will help my essay.
PLEASE USE THESE SUGGESTIONS FROM PEER REVIEW:
1. The thing I would like to see more information about is how living in these bad neighborhoods can connect to everything else she stated in the essay that mothers fear.
2. I think the part when she talks about lack of fatherhood can be moved up in the essay, the specific part is in the bottom half of the essay where she talks about growing up In a bad neighborhood. She talks about how that environment is scary for black moms raising the black men, but she has a piece talking about lack of fatherhood.
3. I think the most important thing she can improve on is her transitions, after her paragraphs she should make her transitions more impactful and more of a attention grabber to make the reader even more eager to see what the next topic is about
2 part of this . I need you to write a narrative reflecting the on the revision process. You can anser the following questions in the reflection narrative. The reflective narrative must be 3-4 paragraphs and will communicate your own sense of writing and revision process. I USED THE BOOK “BLACK IN AMERICA” PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF YOU NEED ADDITIONAL PAGES.